I opened one eye, not that I had a choice. My eyelid was being pulled open by Mo, my Life Coach and Opinion Fairy, who had taken the job of motivating me to exercise and meditate my way to better health in 2012. As irritating as it was to have a small someone attempting to wake me up in this way, something that hadn't happened since my children were young, I had to admire her. Motivating me was not going to be an easy job. Over the Christmas holidays, I had gotten used to sleeping in and being just a little bit lazy. It wasn't the safest job, either, considering I had almost swatted her away a moment ago.
Mo: “Actually, you missed me by several inches, and just a little bit lazy? You haven't gotten up before 7 since the holidays started.”
Me: “Which is why, dear Mo, they are the holidays. It's the proper time to relax.”
I opened my eyes at this point and saw that Mo was dressed in sweats and wearing a tiny whistle around her neck. It didn't look right so I blinked a couple of times to make sure I was really awake. When I looked at her again, she was still in the same outfit.
Me: “What's going on with the sweats? Are you my life coach or my personal fitness trainer?”
Mo: “Both, dearie. Today we're going to talk about New Year's Resolutions.”
Me: “We already did, remember?”
Mo: “Yeah, I know. They're nice resolutions but a little too touchy-feely. Now you need to balance those out with some practical goals. That's it. We'll call them your goals for the New Year instead of more resolutions. Your first goal is to get up earlier.”
Me, yawning: “So you're deciding for me? What time is it, anyway?”
Me: “Five-thirty? Are you nuts? I have it on good authority that not even God gets up at 5:30 am.”
Mo: “Your authority being a 5 year old kindergartener.”
Me: “A very wise 5 year old.”
Mo: “Okay, we'll negotiate that later. What goals have you set for this year?”
Me: “Can't this wait till I'm more awake?”
At this, Mo flew over to my left ear and blew her whistle loudly. She has good reflexes. I didn't mean for my arms to fly up and bat at her; they did it on their own. It's called “involuntary muscle movements”, a part of Parkinson's disease with which, as my husband will testify, I have a lot of experience. I was awake. I turned to look at my husband, who was still sleeping soundly. He didn't seem the least bit disturbed by our conversation.
Mo: “That's because he can't hear us, of course. Don't ask me to explain. It's a fairy thing.”
Me: “Okay, okay. I'm awake now. Goals. We're talking about something with goals.”
Mo stamped her foot. She was getting impatient. “Your goals! My goal is to get you to make YOUR goals and stick to them. Do I have to blow my whistle again?”
Me: “I'm getting up.”
Mo: “That's better. Now, into the living room for some yoga.”
I slowly made my way into the living room, after a brief stop in the bathroom. I'm not stupid enough to attempt yoga with a full bladder. I sat on the edge of the chair and closed my eyes. I started by paying attention to my breathing and sitting with my spine straight. After a moment or so, I heard soft music in the background. It was peaceful and I relaxed. I went into some leg stretches and torso twists. Getting down on the floor, I rocked back and forth with dolphin pose and then did a few cat and cow poses. Standing again, I did a few arm raises and forward bends, then proceeded to a warrior pose. I ended with a few more leg stretches from the chair again and then sat in my chair for a few minutes in quiet. It wasn't exactly Savasana, but it would do.
I opened my eyes. There was Mo, playing a tiny flute.
Mo, quietly: “Now, isn't that a nice way to start the day?”
Me: “Yeah! Thanks for the music. It was really lovely.”
Mo: “Now, we have a few more minutes till I'm off duty. How about those goals? Have you thought about them at all?”
I had thought about them. My daughter has challenged me to go off of refined sugar for the next month. We're doing this one together, starting tomorrow. I made sure to have an extra chocolate truffle tonight to tide me over. Our cleaning and clearing out job is nearly finished. I'm proud of that! When it's done, there will be no more clutter and no piles of papers or anything else, anywhere. My husband has helped with that one. All the old papers went into the fire pit and he spent a nice crisp day burning our old documents. I think we burned out the motor in our shredder.
Mo: “Sounds good. Anything more?”
Me: “Now I need to figure out how to balance my time. How to get in those daily naps, enough exercise, my volunteer work, my craft work, and still have time to spend with my friends.”
Mo: “It's a good thing we've got all year to work on it. I'll earn my pay, which, by the way, could be some of those sweets that you're giving up. I'll expect a truffle or two tonight.”
She flew up in the air suddenly and said something very unfairy-like. It seems my arms had taken off on their own again. It was just another involuntary muscle movement. I swear it was.
Mo will get two truffles tonight. She's earned them.