Training – Day Three: A day of rest

Well, theoretically it was my day of rest between workouts.  I did get in a couple of short sprints, however.  The first one was getting up and taking our daughter to school, in the snow.  It wasn’t a major workout, just a short sprint.  The next one was the sprint over to check on my parents.  Once I arrived there, my pace slowed down considerably.  I think I was matching their pace pretty well.  It was also unbearably hot in their house, especially as I had dressed in several layers of clothing, mostly wool, as would any good Waldorf kindergarten teacher.  I got very hot and very sleepy. 

Once I was home, the need for rest had to be taken seriously.  I took a nap then later sat down to look at some of the details and history of the NYC Marathon.  I’m afraid I didn’t get very far.  I got sidetracked while I looked at the website belonging to Daniel’s wife, Melissa Clark.  If this name sounds familiar to you, I’m not surprised.  She is an excellent cook and writer and she puts these talents to use writing articles about food for publications such as The New York Times, Bon Appétit, Travel and Leisure, Forbes.com, Real Simple, and many others.  She’s written cookbooks and there are even YouTube videos featuring Melissa!  I was technically resting, but I was getting hungrier and hungrier.  We ended up going out to dinner to Patsy’s Inn, a lovely, fun, and funky Italian restaurant in Denver. 

As this is my rest day, I will not write much.  Tomorrow, I think a few more short sprints will be in order, just enough to make sure I’m in proper shape for Sunday. 

Thank you to everyone who has contributed to Daniel’s efforts so far!  And thank you to Daniel for running and to Melissa and Dahlia for always cheering him on. 

G’night!

Training – Day Two

It’s all about pacing.

Daniel doesn’t know it yet, but I read his journal on running to get tips on how to pace myself.  I figure that every day is a small marathon to me now and pacing is critical to my getting through till evening.  If I don’t do it right, I’m a little weird when it comes time to cook dinner.  My family doesn’t always appreciate the way my arm flies around the kitchen as I attempt to cut vegetables.  I need more training; I admit that.  It’s time to consult the master.  As I am also his race pacer on Sunday, it’s even more important that I understand how to train for a marathon.

Following Daniel’s training guide, I will work on the following: (The bold words are Daniel’s.  See his article titled, “You must not love the bear” at http://longrush.blogspot.com/2009/09/you-must-not-love-bear.html.)  Here is his guide, with my personal goals added in:

1.  Long tempo runs, executed with patience, toughness, and playfulness:  Daniel runs 9 miles just because they are there.  He likes to run with other people and keep up with them.  Sometimes it is good to push myself, to have a “long tempo run” day when I clean, bake, work on artistic projects, and maybe even chop down a tree or two.  My mantra on those days is, “If I do this now, I’ll feel useless later.  If I don’t do this now, I’ll feel useless all day.”  Trust your training.

2.  Bounteous training table:  I have to eat right.  We try to have as much organic food as possible.  I absolutely must have a good hearty breakfast with plenty of protein.  If I fudge on this one, I pay for it all day.  If I have fudge for breakfast, I have no right to any sympathy.  Daniel’s wife, Melissa, writes about food for a living.  I suspect she’s an awesome cook, too.  Trust your training table.

3. Recovery days:  It was so nice to read that even Daniel takes a day off from running!  Days off are a must for me, too.  After a “long tempo run” day, I must have a day of rest.  I’ll start looking at these days as “full rest days between workouts”.  It sounds better than “crashing”.  Trust your rest.

4.  Training with others who run more consistent and tougher paces that I normally would.  The best new thing I am doing is Yoga with Paul Zeiger.  Paul has Parkinson’s, too, and he started teaching yoga long before he received his diagnosis.  He and his wife teach this class for people with Parkinson’s and their spouses/caregivers.  My husband, Chris, comes too.  So does Chris’ brother and sister-in-law.  His brother has Parkinson’s too.  Our teachers watch and see what we can do then challenge us to take it just a little farther.  Trust your training partners.

5.  Meditating:  I was very good at spending time meditating every evening for several years.  I let that go somehow, probably because I thought life was getting too busy.  I should know better.  The busier my life is, the more important it is to meditate.  It’s that time when my body and I get in sync with each other.  It’s time to let go and relax.  If I can relax and meditate for an hour each day, I can certainly trust that I can focus and be with Daniel in spirit during the race.  Trust your inner Zen master.

6.  The baby teaches me:   Hmm…Daniel has a beautiful baby girl who teaches him the “value of patience and the big picture”.  I’ll have a grand baby to teach me in a couple of months.  For now, I will have to change this one a little.  My family and friends teach me:  One of my favorite Buddhist sayings is:  “Be grateful for every person who comes into your life, for they will show you where you are stuck.”  I could be very specific here but it would take up too much time and space.  So many of you, my family and friends have been there just when I needed to stop worrying about myself and the details, and look instead at the bigger picture.  Sometimes this is done with a nudge, sometimes with a kick in the pants.  It is always appreciated, though not always at the time.  Trust your outer Zen master.

These, then, are my training goals for the week.  Is there anything else I would add to Daniel’s list? 

7.  Find your rhythm:  I suspect that Daniel does this automatically at this point.  Sometimes I need some outside help so that I can find my rhythm.  The outside help is often in the form of music.  If I can listen to music, I can find my pace.  If I listen to music, I can walk longer and faster.  If I can dance a little to the music, I am not as apt to fall.  If I start to have dyskinesias or some mild dystonia, I can always start singing and dancing.  It might help and even if it doesn't, it'll look cooler.  Trust your inner dancer.

That’s all.

Today was a long tempo run.  I got up and made a good breakfast for my husband.  It was his birthday and I wanted it to be special.  We were limited in what we could do outside the house as it had been snowing steadily for the last day and night and we didn’t want to drive in two feet of snow; so I baked a cake and brownies and chocolate chip cookies.  I finished sewing elves for my Christmas fair table and I cut and folded paper for greeting cards.  I also did 35 minutes on the exercise bicycle and 20 minutes of yoga exercises.  After a short nap, I made dinner for my family and then cleaned the kitchen.  It felt good!

I think tomorrow better be a rest day.

In Training

I’m not eating ice cream tonight.  I’m being good and trying to stay away from sugary and otherwise unhealthy foods.  I’m also exercising.  I did my stretching and rode my exercise bicycle.  I’m pacing myself, too, so I don’t get too tired.  That’s the most important part.  I must not overdo it before Sunday.  Sunday is the day of the big race, you know!  It’s the New York City Marathon and, for the first time, I’m actually going to be a part of it!

I wasn’t planning on running a marathon.  On the whole, marathons have not been on my list of top priorities.  The New York City Marathon is different, though.  This is a big and very prestigious race with somewhere around 42,000 runners; and those are the ones who were chosen to participate out of over 100,000 applicants.  When I received the invitation to be a part of this, I couldn’t refuse.  Who could?

Okay, so I’m not going to New York and I’m not actually running, but I will be there in spirit.  My cousin, Daniel is running in the race with Team Fox, raising money for Parkinson’s research. When I found this out just the other day, I was touched beyond words.  I suggested that I’d like to be there running with him in spirit, but that I’d probably just get in his way.  He wrote back to say that he’s counting on me to be there in spirit, helping him to pace himself.  I’m his race pacer! 

This means I’m officially in training, too.  Daniel reminded to rest and told me not to abstain from too many treats.  I took that seriously and had a nap this afternoon, in between Yoga exercises and cooking dinner.  I’ll still limit my sweet treats, a little.  I’ll have to decide whether to have just the chocolate ice cream or just the Bailey’s. 

I can’t wait to follow the race via the internet on Sunday!  Here’s all the information you need to follow along with me and Daniel.

Daniel’s Team Fox page:  Team Fox Member - Team Fox.  If you scroll down, you’ll see his race pacer.  You can also support Daniel’s efforts (and mine) by donating to Team Fox.

Daniel’s blog:  “The Long Rush – Exercises in Style” at http://longrush.blogspot.com/.   

The New York City Marathon page:  http://www.nycmarathon.org/ 

A Bucket List

A number of years ago, a colleague of mine challenged me to create a list of 100 things that I wanted to accomplish in my lifetime. It sounded like one of those good and noble things to do, so of course I did it. Naturally, I will do anything that is good and noble.

There’s been a movie made about this and so now it’s called a “Bucket List”, meaning that you write down all those things you want to do before you kick the bucket, hand in your dinner pail, shuffle off this mortal coil, take the last bow, and hop on the last rattler. It seems like everyone is making a list. Now it’s not only good and noble, it’s also fashionable.

Maybe it’s time to review mine. Unfortunately, the computer ate it. I think it was the crash of 2007, when I lost my parent/teacher conference notes, family photographs, journal, and found out what an external hard drive is for. Anyway, my list is gone. I do remember a few things. It had a lot in common with my daily to-do lists: finish cleaning my workroom, paint the kitchen, and build a patio in our garden. Not a thrilling read.

There was one item on the list that was interesting; however, that one will have to go. I will not pose nude for a life drawing class. It’s not that I have suddenly become overly modest or that I am worried about my not so perfect body.  That’s actually the point. Human beings come in all shapes and sizes and they are all beautiful, even if not all their bits are quite what our society sees as attractive. It’s my humble opinion that all students, beginning in high school, should be required to take a life drawing class and that the models should be a diverse group.But, as much as I sincerely believe in these classes, I have to admit, I cannot do this. I get cold easily now, and when I get cold, I sneeze. When I sneeze... well, let’s just say, it wouldn’t work.

Since my list has vanished somewhere into cyber world, I asked my family and friends for help. What would they put on their list? My daughter wants to ride a camel. One of my sons wants to write a really thick novel, one that he has fully illustrated. My good friend, Eric, would go white water rafting and sky diving. Andrea would take a three week holiday in Greece. Vicki would go to Israel to see the places where Jesus walked, Chris would buy his pickup truck, and Mike would drive to their mountain cabin and spend an entire day hiking with his family.

I’m not exactly sure what I’d put on my list. Maybe I’d add the tandem sky diving experience. I would also like to be able to play a musical instrument, very well. Of course, I’d mostly like to just snap my fingers and suddenly be able to play an instrument! Learning to play is a lot of work.

When I look back on everything that’s happened in my life so far, however, I’d have to say that the most precious moments to me were those that were not planned and would not be anything that I would ever have thought to put on a list such as this. I never planned out ahead of time that we would have a foster child. Who could have known that I would one day help rescue a baby woodpecker and hand feed it for five days until we found a rescue organization? I never planned on working for three years, for minimum wage, in a nursing home. I always planned on having animals, but the baby goats were a bonus. The biggest unplanned event in our lives would have to be our daughter. We hadn’t planned to have another child. She planned on having us, though, and she was and is still our most amazing unplanned bonus!

I once had a dream that my doctor called me at home. In the phone call, he told me that my health issues were much more serious than they had realized and that I only had three days to live. I remember, very clearly, going into a panic for just a moment, then suddenly saying to myself, “What am I doing? I don’t have time to panic. If I only have three days, I need to get busy. After all, I should clean the house and cook a few dinners to put in the freezer, finish the laundry, and call Rev. Hindes. I have to plan the funeral.” My mind was suddenly a whirl of recipes, menus, folding clothes, and choosing my favorite songs.

I did the whirlwind thing for awhile, in a scatterbrained sort of way and then I stopped. I took a deep breath and sat down. I slowly took out a few sheets of good quality paper and a nice pen. The heck with the housework and cooking; and when does one plan their own funeral anyway? I forgot about everything else I wanted to accomplish and sat down to write love letters to my husband, my children, and my friends.

Now, back to my bucket list. I will still start over again. Then I will have all sorts of ideas for whenever I feel the need to rebel a little and do something big. But I also plan to leave every other line blank. I want to leave some room for all those things that I would never think to put on my list. Hopefully, I will recognize them when they happen and then I can go back and fill in the blanks.

And, just in case I don’t have three days warning before I hop on the last rattler, I’ll start writing those letters.

Off Road Traveling and that Someday which is Today

As you have probably seen already from the photo that's been posted several times, I am "off-roading" these days. The photo is not totally honest. I rarely travel in the streets if I can help it. I travel almost exclusively off road, on the sidewalk. We finally bought my mobility scooter and we've been putting this little baby to the test. Last Saturday, we got on the train in Denver and came to Glenwood Springs. We had planned to do this as our 30th wedding anniversary celebration and also as a way to begin Chris' retirement.We had talked for a long time about taking a trip together someday, and now we finally are doing it.

There are all kinds of things that I plan on doing someday. Someday, I plan on finishing my book. Someday, I plan on writing down the Grandmother Willow stories. Someday, I will have the studio finished. I could go on and on, but you get the idea. When will someday turn into now?

This is part of why I am so happy that we have come to Glenwood. Of course, the biggest and best reason for taking this trip is that Chris and I can spend 6 days together, just the two of us.  We have had a marvellous time wandering around the town, shopping, swimming, and today, we even rode the Tramway up the mountain! Chris was rightly proud of this accomplishment as he has a serious fear of heights.I have been most excited about wandering around the town and shopping. I can do that now because I am not concentrating only on keeping myself upright and moving, as I need to do if I am walking.

My new scooter is part of how we made our someday become today. Parkinson's is a strange disorder. My neurologist refers to it as a designer disease because it affects different people in so many different ways and our reactions to medications are also very different. There are some days when I don't appear to have any physical challenges whatsoever and other days when I have difficulty getting around in my house.

I met one man whose Parkinson's wasn't at all visible to other people. When a friend of his, whom he hadn't seen for several years, came to town, she didn't believe that he had anything wrong with him and she actually became angry with him for worrying her with his story of having Parkinson's.For those friends of mine who see me only when I am doing well, they might wonder why I would even think of getting a mobility scooter. Isn't it important to exercise when you have Parkinson's? And why would I want to make myself look and be more disabled than I am?

My answer to these questions is simple. I am not trying to be more disabled, I am trying to be more mobile. Over the last 7 years, I have given up a lot of activities that I loved, just because I knew I could not do the walking involved. I didn't go to festivals and fairs anymore. I wasn't able to take long walks or opt to walk with my children to the library instead of taking the car. I didn't go to museums or shopping malls. Some places have simple non-electric wheelchairs that can be used to get around but that really makes me feel disabled! I don't have the strength to push myself through a museum so I would be dependent on someone to push me. Walking will never be the way I get my exercise because, after a half a block or so, my dystonia will kick in. My physical therapist agreed with that. With my scooter, I am able to do things that I haven't done for 7 years. I am more able, not more disabled with my scooter. Why wait till my disease has progressed to the point where I can't get around any other way? I feel good now and I want to do as much as I possibly can do, now!

Why wait for the someday that may never come? Having successfully accomplished so much on this trip, I now have renewed energy to bring home with us. I am determined to make many more somedays turn into todays.

First things first, however. We have just spent two and a half days wandering around the town and being very busy.

I think I need a nap.

Optimism

If you didn’t see the television special that was on last Thursday with Michael J. Fox, you can still see it at www.abc.go.com. Select “free episodes”, then select “Michael J Fox” from the list. It’s definitely worth watching!  It's not about Parkinson's, it's about life.

When I was first diagnosed with Parkinson’s, a number of people responded by saying, “Oh, that’s the thing that Michael J. Fox has.” Yeah, that’s right. I’ve got a celebrity disorder. I wasn’t very interested in finding out about Michael’s experience with Parkinson’s. I had my own challenges to go through and the first one was just figuring out what this was going to do to my life. I didn’t go out and purchase his book right away and I began to cringe every time someone mentioned his name to me. He’s a celebrity who happens to have Parkinson’s. So what? There are loads of regular people who have this, too.

Not that I was feeling sad and sorry for myself or that I had a negative outlook on my life. In fact, I was feeling just the opposite! Somehow, getting the diagnosis of Parkinson’s had a freeing effect on me. There was nothing I could do to change the fact that I had this disorder and nothing I had done to make me have this. It was totally beyond my control. Why that was freeing, I don’t know. Perhaps it is because I have a tendency to blame myself for anything negative that happens in my life. Or perhaps it was because it was the least scary of all the possibilities my neurologist had been contemplating. I did most of my grieving during the years when I was having physical challenges and did not know what was causing them. That was a very difficult time for me.

Whatever it was, I found myself feeling lighter than I had in years. I knew I couldn’t do everything I did before and I knew I didn’t have to do everything! There was so much I let go of. And those things I let go of? I found that I really didn’t need them anyway. At the same time, I was also being surrounded by friends, old friends coming back into my life and new friends who have become important to me. My family has always been my anchor and my support and I have been fortunate to be involved in the Denver Waldorf School, which is a true community. Now I had an even larger circle of support. My social life was and is very full and fun. I am savoring my friends and family, enjoying them more and more and worrying less. Interestingly enough, despite the obvious challenges I was facing physically, and the fact that I had to leave teaching, a job I had worked at and loved for nearly twenty years, I was more prone to depression and anxiety before I was diagnosed than I was afterwards. I found myself actually grateful for the challenges that my Parkinson’s was bringing to me. If this had in any way led me to where I am now, I wouldn’t change a thing.

I guess you could say I had become an optimist.

Then, when I started to get involved with other people who had Parkinson’s, I was surprised. Not everyone had the same attitude that I had. I heard people describe Parkinson’s as a “beast” and the “enemy”. I had people tell me to be strong so I could fight this and beat it. Maybe it’s because I spent so many years as a kindergarten teacher, telling children not to fight, but this didn’t set well with me. I wanted to learn how to live with this, not spend my energy fighting it. I decided that maybe I would look at my Parkinson’s more as a partner, maybe a dance partner even! I would learn how to move in a different way in order to accommodate one more partner in my life, just as I have learned how to make room for all my new friends.

Then, about a year or so after I was diagnosed, out of curiosity, I began to look up a few things about Michael J. Fox. I learned about his foundation and read about the work he had done. I read his first book. I enjoyed reading his book but it was when I watched him being interviewed on television (www.charlierose.com/view/interview/2531) that I was suddenly stopped in my tracks.

Here was someone who understood what it was like to have Parkinson’s, in the same way that I did! He, too, said he was happier than he had ever been before and when someone asked him what he would do if offered the possibility of going back in time and never having Parkinson’s and having his old life back, he freely admitted he would say, “Screw you.” He wouldn’t change his life for anything and since his Parkinson’s is part of what brought him to this point, then he certainly wouldn’t change that, either. Michael J. Fox describes his Parkinson’s as a gift. It’s a gift that keeps taking, but a gift never the less.

I feel the same way. It’s hard to rationalize this attitude and maybe you can’t, really. Maybe it’s different for everyone. Maybe it’s those “happy genes” that some of us have. Of course, there are times when I get tired, feel very ill, or find I can’t do something that would have been easy for me at another time of my life. I do get frustrated. I can also be sad and even angry about my challenges. But those feelings don’t take up a large percentage of my time. Most of my time is spent connecting with people, teaching art classes, helping the kindergarten children learn string games, visiting with friends, and taking care of my family. Maybe I can’t walk around the block without getting exhausted but, hey, walking is overrated anyway. The important thing is that I can find joy in this life that I’ve been given.

And since being diagnosed with Parkinson’s, I’ve been able to find that joy in abundance!

Thank you, Michael J. Fox, for all you do and all you are.